STANLEY KEG FINAL

If there was ever any doubt which team dominated the regular season and playoffs with merciless precision, sheer intimidation and a somewhat flawed rating system, all you had to do was ask any Stokes Bay Bruin and he would be happy to tell you how good he was while reminding you that his team went undefeated in the regular season and playoffs.  He would further go on to tell you how the Stanley Keg Final was a mere formality and scoff at the possibility of losing.  After all, they were playing the Leafs!  Looking at the match up, you may have to agree that the undefeated Stokes Bay Bruins should be a lock to win.  Quagmire Whelpley’s talented group of skating phone booths with heads were set to steam roll the smaller Bluewater Power Leafs.  Amazingly for Tadpole Vaillancourt and the Leafs, they never got the message.

The game started with full line-ups on both sides as well as a packed, well-lubricated cheering section in the new Point Edward Barn.  In a testament to how sick and tired everyone was of hearing from the Bruins, there wasn’t a Bruin fan in sight as even the Stokes Bay wives and children joined in the familiar “Go Leafs Go” chant that rang throughout the arena. 

The first period remained scoreless as both teams exchanged chances but all were turned away by solid goaltending from Pez Brown and Ian Roadog.  The Leafs seemed to carry momentum into the second as nervous laughter could be heard coming from the Bruin bench.  Lacie Lavender potted a top shed beauty early in the second assisted by Jimbo McCabe and Tyler Callander.  Callander then followed up with a second wrister from the slot assisted by Doc Barwitski to make it 2-0 Leafs, which is how the second period ended. 

Finding themselves behind for the first time all year, the ashen-faced Bruins skated off with looks on their faces more reminiscent of a trip to the tax auditor’s office or their proctologist rather than a hockey locker room.  Unfortunately, before they could regroup in private, they had to wade through a throng of raucous hockey thugs, even joined by their own family members who had congregated in the north end of the arena to hurl insults and slurs. 

The third began with a shorter Bruin bench while Tadpole Vaillancourt rolled through his 4 lines.  It wasn’t long before Craig Callister potted the third for the Leafs with Doc Barwitzki getting his second helper.  Numerous penalties were called on both sides in the third including Quagmire Whelpley, who was trying to inspire his team by decking Leaf enforcer Doc Barwitzki in an open ice hit.  Lucky for Doc his head was down and he didn’t see it coming or he might have been hurt. 

Taking advantage of a power play, Mean Esser put the Bruins on the board while scooping up a nice pass from Ice Pick Morley.  This was followed quickly by Mark The Animal Bennett notching his first from Jason Oglethorpe Hoover and Genghis Steeves.  The Leafs seemed to be on their heels as the surging Bruins were all over Ian Roadog but he refused to give in.  Following two team time outs, and with under a minute to go the Bruins pulled their goalie with the face off in the Leafs end.  Mark The Animal Bennett won the draw back to Mean Esser who made no mistake from the point, beating Ian Roadog 5 hole to tie the game with 50 seconds left.  The Leafs held on to preserve the tie in regulation.

Each team picked a three player shootout rotation with sudden death after that.  Both teams notched two goals apiece in the original three including Animal Bennett and Mean Esser for the Bruins and Tyler Callander and Craig Callister for the Leafs which sent the shootout into sudden death.  Both teams had trouble finding the back of the net with outstanding tending on both ends.  After stoning 4 shooters apiece Jim Barilko McCabe finally got one by Pez Brown to win the shootout and claim the Stanley Keg.  Never in the history of the league has a final game come with such intensity.  Who would have thought that an empty keg with a dented cup could inspire such play?  Not since 1967 have the headlines read “LEAFS WIN THE KEG!” as the smiling Leafs enjoyed the amber nectar (risking lock jaw) from the rusty grail.

For the hapless Bruins the curse remains and until the drop of the first puck next season the other 7 teams are simply enjoying the silence…..

Finals after playoff round robin:

1. Bluewater Power Leafs                 Stanley Keg Champs

2. Stokes Bay Bruins

3. Baby G’s Pizza Islanders

4. Fenwick Red Wings

5. Al’s Gas and Variety Sharks

6. Natsco Mechanical Avalanche

7. Barb Bonnema Penguins

8. Team Outfitters Punishers

Reid Flemming reporting…..